One week from today.

One week from today I turn 34.
I admit right here and right now that I suck.
I had a plan, I followed the plan, minor setbacks and I lost the plan.

All the followers here of 100x35, I apologize.
But I'm not going to dwell.
I admitted my suckiness and now I'm going to attempt to move on.

My current weight: 348.6
Yes, I've gained it all back. I feel vaguely like sausage again in my own clothes.
But again, I'm going to attempt not to dwell.

I think that when our insurance put a kibosh on our IVF attempt, my psyche got beat to crap, so I just gave up. Now I need to find small goals - attainable ones in shorter time-frames that have nothing to do with the ability for myself to bear kids. It's hard to not be wrapped around something I was so intensely wrapped around for so long. Years, really.

Now my long-term goal is to feel better in the morning when I get up; to not have aches and pains usually earned by people 20+ years my senior; to look better in my clothes; to stop feeling like such a fat-ass.

Short term is the end of the month - a holiday party where I may wear a pretty dress.
Next month, I want to show my mom some improvement in my health and some improvement in my looks, too. Hell, to be completely honest, it's not about her - it's about getting thru the holidays w/out overeating, while at the same time loosing weight and celebrating with a well-earned meal at Melting Pot. What can I say? Even while loosing weight, I'm food motivated. I can't say that's a horribly bad thing.

Anyway, help me by sticking by me, readers. I'm going to try to keep my promise - I have 373 days to lose 100 lbs (isn't Google amazing?). Wish me luck!