Elliptical of EVIL

19 minutes

-60 minutes

- 41 minutes

Oh, so not doing 41 minutes between now and tomorrow - BUT! - I will try to get in another 3 minutes, which is what I'm up to on this horrid machine. HOWEVER - I'm also "getting over it" faster than I was - it took me 10 minutes of heavy breathing and sweating (god I WISH it was sex) before I felt "normal" again. After my 3 minute session (3 minutes last night and 2.5 minutes the night before - I'm gettin' betta!) this morning (god, 5am shouldn't exist!!) it only took me about 6 minutes to get over it. -.-

This is going to be  a wayyyyy slower process than I thought, BUT I will get there!

Or it'll kill me.

Guess which thought is winning at the moment?

Hope you guys can stick by me through this....

^.^

10.8 minutes

-60 minutes

-49.2 minutes

Yah, baby!

A new goal to motivate me...

I needed it - a goal that is.

So the elliptical is a torture device.
After only 2.5 minutes I'm breathing heavily and my thighs are burning.
But it gave me a couple thoughts.
The first is that "wow, you are SOOOO not in shape! omg, woman!"
but the second was my goal!

Starting now, my goal is to do 60 minutes/week on this thing. Until I can get used to it. And to graddddddualllllyyyy increase my resistence.

Before I explain, this is my work so far -

5.8 minutes

-60 minutes

-54.2 minutes

The blue number is what I've done so far for the "week".

The red number is what I've got left to do.

This will be changed as I update my blog.

And a 3rd thought - it makes my damn achy joints go quiet. w00t!

Eating? Yeah, not doing so well - but like I keep saying, every moment is a moment that's available for change! 

So even though I had baked ravioli at Fazoli's today, I wasn't a fan so I only ate 1/3rd of it - it's something I'm trying to teach myself: don't eat it if you don't like it or are satisfied.

Satisfy me, people!

Oh this is definitely going to be a love-hate relationship

The elliptical is in!
I was on it for 50 seconds last night.
2.5 minutes today.
I think I may die.
Omg.

I got more exercise in that 2.5 minutes than I have in the entire group of days I was on the bike.

Love - it makes my heart beat and makes me SWEAT.

Hate - even on "no" resistance (well, resistance 1) it's going to take a bit to get used to it.

Tonight, I'll attempt to add to my overall elliptical log.

But I am not too proud to say I'm afraid of that fecker. Omg.

Sweat on!!

Food, too.

Breakfast -
2 WW mini breakfast burritos - not too bad; the sausage is a little spicy.

Snack -
a croissant
& some cheese - not the greatest snack and believe me, I learned my lesson.

Lunch -
leftover cod fillet from last night
leftover spinach from last night - a very healthy, balanced lunch; not filling of course, but so what?

Snack -
a chocolate covered cherry

Dinner -
an 8oz sirloin steak
a salad
a baked potato w/butter & sour cream

So that was my food today.
Not great, but definitely not good.

Oh, and yesterday - I had a medium DQ blizzard. I paid for that as well, believe me. Turns out I'm becoming peanut-sensitive. w00t, right?

Otherwise, the new elliptical will be put together tomorrow and the torture will begin!

Let's Start At The Very Beginning...A Very Good Place To Start

Current Weight: 343 lbs (yay? at least I haven't gained it all back...)

Breakfast:
- 90 Calorie Granola Bar - if you're in this area, you can get 'em at Giant Eagle cheap; they're chocolate chunk, smallish, but tasty!
- Pina Colada Yogurt - from Yoplait. This flavor Mikey picked up; not sure about it, may not eat it all.

Snack:
- 1 pluot - this is an interesting little fruit, if you've not tried them they're probably in your grocer's case now. It is a hybrid of a plum (plu-) and an apricot (-ot) and has a plummy flavor, but a little bit of sweetness that you don't get in a normal plum.

Lunch:
- Homemade Lasagna - soooo tasty. Be jealous, seriously. Not really diet-conscious, but omg so good - and I know exactly what went into it. ;)
- a can of regular Mountain Dew - I know I know...but now my headache has abated!

Snack:
- 1 chocolate-covered cherry - I've been doing really well by eating one of these bad-boys per day. It totally satisfies my chocolate-lust and gives me a "dessert" that's so tasty, and I only need one!

Dinner:
- 1 cod fillet - made with crush Ritz crackers and egg; lightly browned
- veggies of some sort - this will be worked out later

Throughout the day I'll also be drinking a ton of Crystal Light (my favorite is fruit punch and probably a glass of white cranberry juice with dinner.

So, what's the title all about?
I'm kinda having to start over. Mostly because of this 'hiatus' from exercise I've been on. Since the last time I wrote things have changed. I'm no longer making it my goal to be healthy during a pregnancy because I'll probably never get pregnant. There's been a lot of personal stress surrounding that - mostly because we're gearing up for adoption stuff.

Our first meeting regarding adoption is on 09/13 - with a lawyer that specializes in adoption. We have lots of questions to ask her - it looks like the first thing we have to do is a home-study. That won't start, though, until probably around January - we're hoping our roommate Beth will be accepted to Kent State and with that a move into the dorms for her so we have room again to set up a kid's room.

09/17 we'll be meeting up with an adoption agency here in Akron - going to their information meeting.

09/23 (? - have to double-check this) we're going to the info meeting with Summit County Child Protection Services.

A lot of stress = depression = food cravings = me eating food.

Thank God I realize that, huh?

Anyway, I'm starting over. No structured exercising for a few days - we have to get the elliptical put together - but tonight it's crunches and weights.

I'm alive, folks...

18 Wheeler

Can't keep me down, down
Can't keep me down
No you can't keep me down
I said you can't keep me down

Hey, hey, man! What's your problem?
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad
Don't know what you're up against
Maybe you should reconsider
Come up with another plan
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl
That'll lay there and let you come first 

(Chorus)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, girl! Are you ready for today?
You got your shield and sword?
Cuz it's time to play the games
You are beautiful
Even though your not for sure
Don't let him pull you by the skirt
You're gonna get your feelings hurt

(Chorus x 2)

Everywhere that I go
There's someone waitin' to chain me
Everything that I say
There's someone tryin' to short change me
I am only this way
Because of what you have made me
And I'm not gonna break!

(Chorus x2)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground (I'll go underground, ground, ground ground..)
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down (Can't keep me down!!!)

If you can't tell, I take a lot of strength, encouragement and power from Pink; she is, I think, one of the greatest women to come out of my generation. I'm finding a lot of strength right now particularly from this song - as a mantra to keep myself going even when I feel like a total failure.

These past few days?
Definitely failure-days.
Right now I'm feeling like an 18 wheeler....

Part of the reason I started this journey is because Mike and I were planning on trying IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) this month. I wanted to be healthier, be more aware of my body, have more awareness of self, before I got pregnant.

Unfortunately, if you follow me on FaceBook, you  know by now that we are not going to be trying IVF.

Of course, I'm terribly disappointed. I'm angry with God. I'm angry with life.
Or...I was.

After some discussion, Mike and I have decided to try for adoption.
After some discussion, we feel...I feel...like this is the best thing to do for us - and really, in our hearts, this feels like the RIGHT decision.
I feel like this is the right decision.

My father is adopted - his adoptive mother (I never met his adoptive father) was an absolutely wonderful woman. I admire and respect her a great deal and I only hope that I can be as good a mother to my children as she was to him and his sister (also adopted).

Now, though, I need a new goal for my weightloss.
Sure, it's all well and good be healthy (BORING!) and so forth, but I like goals. I like having a "reason".
So here is my new "goal" - to be sexy in a swimsuit!

And guess what? We've decided to buy an elliptical - kill me now. ;)