Insert Witty Title Here

Current weight: 345
(-3.6lbs)

Yesterday I turned 34.
Now if you're all doing the math with me, that means I have exactly 1 year to reach this ridiculous goal.
Okay, not ridiculous, more...crazy? Unachievable?

Eh, possibly.
But remember that talk about setting shorter goals? Yeah, that's what I've learned about myself. I'm talking EVERY DAY SETTING A GOAL.
Even if it's the same goal over and over and over...well, you get the drift.

So my goal for TODAY - eating 1 serving of anything - including my b-day cake (got it from DQ - it's tradition - bite me - should take 100 years to finish the darn thing). Also, to stick to my goals below...

My goal for this WEEK - being "good" with food until Xmas; working out DAILY; drinking water/Crystal Light; avoiding anything with caffeine (coffee, Starbucks Peppermint Mocha, diet soda); avoiding anything with carbonation.

My favorite diet thing of the day?
Cuties Oranges. I think they're oranges. Anyway, they're the size of a hacky-sack ball, easy-peasy to peel, they DO have seeds, tho (figured that one out the hard way), but they're WAY tasty. And a great snack to snag for work or school or whatever. :)

So that's me for the week, folks. 96.4lbs to go...argh.

One week from today.

One week from today I turn 34.
I admit right here and right now that I suck.
I had a plan, I followed the plan, minor setbacks and I lost the plan.

All the followers here of 100x35, I apologize.
But I'm not going to dwell.
I admitted my suckiness and now I'm going to attempt to move on.

My current weight: 348.6
Yes, I've gained it all back. I feel vaguely like sausage again in my own clothes.
But again, I'm going to attempt not to dwell.

I think that when our insurance put a kibosh on our IVF attempt, my psyche got beat to crap, so I just gave up. Now I need to find small goals - attainable ones in shorter time-frames that have nothing to do with the ability for myself to bear kids. It's hard to not be wrapped around something I was so intensely wrapped around for so long. Years, really.

Now my long-term goal is to feel better in the morning when I get up; to not have aches and pains usually earned by people 20+ years my senior; to look better in my clothes; to stop feeling like such a fat-ass.

Short term is the end of the month - a holiday party where I may wear a pretty dress.
Next month, I want to show my mom some improvement in my health and some improvement in my looks, too. Hell, to be completely honest, it's not about her - it's about getting thru the holidays w/out overeating, while at the same time loosing weight and celebrating with a well-earned meal at Melting Pot. What can I say? Even while loosing weight, I'm food motivated. I can't say that's a horribly bad thing.

Anyway, help me by sticking by me, readers. I'm going to try to keep my promise - I have 373 days to lose 100 lbs (isn't Google amazing?). Wish me luck!

Wow, been awhile...

Okay, so..hmmm.
I've been having a lot of thoughts over the past few weeks.

I've lost the love of me. I think that's why I'm having so many problems getting into the swing of things again. I'm maintaining most of the weightloss I've achieved, but I've been unwilling...well, not unwilling..more...unwanting...to continue with this whole thing. I'm ashamed to admit it to you guys, much less to myself.

Having said that, though, I know I have to continue. I believe part of my reticence is with our elliptical - I'm still not sure I like it. I think there is a solution to this, something I'm going to work on and I'll tell you folks later if I can get it rigged, but yeah.

So, anyway, I'm still here...there are some things I need to work out in my own head...but I hope to post again soon. 

Sláinte!

Elliptical of EVIL

19 minutes

-60 minutes

- 41 minutes

Oh, so not doing 41 minutes between now and tomorrow - BUT! - I will try to get in another 3 minutes, which is what I'm up to on this horrid machine. HOWEVER - I'm also "getting over it" faster than I was - it took me 10 minutes of heavy breathing and sweating (god I WISH it was sex) before I felt "normal" again. After my 3 minute session (3 minutes last night and 2.5 minutes the night before - I'm gettin' betta!) this morning (god, 5am shouldn't exist!!) it only took me about 6 minutes to get over it. -.-

This is going to be  a wayyyyy slower process than I thought, BUT I will get there!

Or it'll kill me.

Guess which thought is winning at the moment?

Hope you guys can stick by me through this....

^.^

10.8 minutes

-60 minutes

-49.2 minutes

Yah, baby!

A new goal to motivate me...

I needed it - a goal that is.

So the elliptical is a torture device.
After only 2.5 minutes I'm breathing heavily and my thighs are burning.
But it gave me a couple thoughts.
The first is that "wow, you are SOOOO not in shape! omg, woman!"
but the second was my goal!

Starting now, my goal is to do 60 minutes/week on this thing. Until I can get used to it. And to graddddddualllllyyyy increase my resistence.

Before I explain, this is my work so far -

5.8 minutes

-60 minutes

-54.2 minutes

The blue number is what I've done so far for the "week".

The red number is what I've got left to do.

This will be changed as I update my blog.

And a 3rd thought - it makes my damn achy joints go quiet. w00t!

Eating? Yeah, not doing so well - but like I keep saying, every moment is a moment that's available for change! 

So even though I had baked ravioli at Fazoli's today, I wasn't a fan so I only ate 1/3rd of it - it's something I'm trying to teach myself: don't eat it if you don't like it or are satisfied.

Satisfy me, people!

Oh this is definitely going to be a love-hate relationship

The elliptical is in!
I was on it for 50 seconds last night.
2.5 minutes today.
I think I may die.
Omg.

I got more exercise in that 2.5 minutes than I have in the entire group of days I was on the bike.

Love - it makes my heart beat and makes me SWEAT.

Hate - even on "no" resistance (well, resistance 1) it's going to take a bit to get used to it.

Tonight, I'll attempt to add to my overall elliptical log.

But I am not too proud to say I'm afraid of that fecker. Omg.

Sweat on!!

Food, too.

Breakfast -
2 WW mini breakfast burritos - not too bad; the sausage is a little spicy.

Snack -
a croissant
& some cheese - not the greatest snack and believe me, I learned my lesson.

Lunch -
leftover cod fillet from last night
leftover spinach from last night - a very healthy, balanced lunch; not filling of course, but so what?

Snack -
a chocolate covered cherry

Dinner -
an 8oz sirloin steak
a salad
a baked potato w/butter & sour cream

So that was my food today.
Not great, but definitely not good.

Oh, and yesterday - I had a medium DQ blizzard. I paid for that as well, believe me. Turns out I'm becoming peanut-sensitive. w00t, right?

Otherwise, the new elliptical will be put together tomorrow and the torture will begin!

Let's Start At The Very Beginning...A Very Good Place To Start

Current Weight: 343 lbs (yay? at least I haven't gained it all back...)

Breakfast:
- 90 Calorie Granola Bar - if you're in this area, you can get 'em at Giant Eagle cheap; they're chocolate chunk, smallish, but tasty!
- Pina Colada Yogurt - from Yoplait. This flavor Mikey picked up; not sure about it, may not eat it all.

Snack:
- 1 pluot - this is an interesting little fruit, if you've not tried them they're probably in your grocer's case now. It is a hybrid of a plum (plu-) and an apricot (-ot) and has a plummy flavor, but a little bit of sweetness that you don't get in a normal plum.

Lunch:
- Homemade Lasagna - soooo tasty. Be jealous, seriously. Not really diet-conscious, but omg so good - and I know exactly what went into it. ;)
- a can of regular Mountain Dew - I know I know...but now my headache has abated!

Snack:
- 1 chocolate-covered cherry - I've been doing really well by eating one of these bad-boys per day. It totally satisfies my chocolate-lust and gives me a "dessert" that's so tasty, and I only need one!

Dinner:
- 1 cod fillet - made with crush Ritz crackers and egg; lightly browned
- veggies of some sort - this will be worked out later

Throughout the day I'll also be drinking a ton of Crystal Light (my favorite is fruit punch and probably a glass of white cranberry juice with dinner.

So, what's the title all about?
I'm kinda having to start over. Mostly because of this 'hiatus' from exercise I've been on. Since the last time I wrote things have changed. I'm no longer making it my goal to be healthy during a pregnancy because I'll probably never get pregnant. There's been a lot of personal stress surrounding that - mostly because we're gearing up for adoption stuff.

Our first meeting regarding adoption is on 09/13 - with a lawyer that specializes in adoption. We have lots of questions to ask her - it looks like the first thing we have to do is a home-study. That won't start, though, until probably around January - we're hoping our roommate Beth will be accepted to Kent State and with that a move into the dorms for her so we have room again to set up a kid's room.

09/17 we'll be meeting up with an adoption agency here in Akron - going to their information meeting.

09/23 (? - have to double-check this) we're going to the info meeting with Summit County Child Protection Services.

A lot of stress = depression = food cravings = me eating food.

Thank God I realize that, huh?

Anyway, I'm starting over. No structured exercising for a few days - we have to get the elliptical put together - but tonight it's crunches and weights.

I'm alive, folks...

18 Wheeler

Can't keep me down, down
Can't keep me down
No you can't keep me down
I said you can't keep me down

Hey, hey, man! What's your problem?
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad
Don't know what you're up against
Maybe you should reconsider
Come up with another plan
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl
That'll lay there and let you come first 

(Chorus)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, girl! Are you ready for today?
You got your shield and sword?
Cuz it's time to play the games
You are beautiful
Even though your not for sure
Don't let him pull you by the skirt
You're gonna get your feelings hurt

(Chorus x 2)

Everywhere that I go
There's someone waitin' to chain me
Everything that I say
There's someone tryin' to short change me
I am only this way
Because of what you have made me
And I'm not gonna break!

(Chorus x2)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground (I'll go underground, ground, ground ground..)
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down (Can't keep me down!!!)

If you can't tell, I take a lot of strength, encouragement and power from Pink; she is, I think, one of the greatest women to come out of my generation. I'm finding a lot of strength right now particularly from this song - as a mantra to keep myself going even when I feel like a total failure.

These past few days?
Definitely failure-days.
Right now I'm feeling like an 18 wheeler....

Part of the reason I started this journey is because Mike and I were planning on trying IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) this month. I wanted to be healthier, be more aware of my body, have more awareness of self, before I got pregnant.

Unfortunately, if you follow me on FaceBook, you  know by now that we are not going to be trying IVF.

Of course, I'm terribly disappointed. I'm angry with God. I'm angry with life.
Or...I was.

After some discussion, Mike and I have decided to try for adoption.
After some discussion, we feel...I feel...like this is the best thing to do for us - and really, in our hearts, this feels like the RIGHT decision.
I feel like this is the right decision.

My father is adopted - his adoptive mother (I never met his adoptive father) was an absolutely wonderful woman. I admire and respect her a great deal and I only hope that I can be as good a mother to my children as she was to him and his sister (also adopted).

Now, though, I need a new goal for my weightloss.
Sure, it's all well and good be healthy (BORING!) and so forth, but I like goals. I like having a "reason".
So here is my new "goal" - to be sexy in a swimsuit!

And guess what? We've decided to buy an elliptical - kill me now. ;)

My Daily Food Log - 08/24

So, starting yesterday - ended up not having the spaghetti, but having mac n' cheese and juice instead of milk.

Breakfast:
- a granola bar
- yogurt

Snack:
- a peach

Lunch:
- leftover mac n' cheese
- diet Pepsi

Dinner:
- chicken, mushrooms n' noodles
- juice

Snack:
- Rice Chex (<3) w/1% milk

Don't have much else to say....

Did I Tell You About My Swiss-Cheese Memory?

It occured to me last night that I didn't really address the title of my last blog - The Importance of Being Earnest. Okay, I did reference it a little in the first paragraph, but here are the REST of my thoughts on that whole thing (cuz I find that I sometimes run away with my tangents...I apologize in advance).

It's important to be truthful throughout this process.
Truth.
Not sorta-covered-over-white-lies.
No, truth.

I find that I'm definitely not honest about what I eat.
This past spring I joined Weight Watchers for the 2nd time in my adult life. I found that while I hated having to always count the points and diddle around with "hey, can I eat this? no? can i substitute it with this? yes? omgmyhairisonfire!!! how many points will THAT be?!" it DID teach me a little about how truthful I am about what I put in my body.

Which is to say that I wasn't being truthful.

I have said in past blog posts that I don't eat as much as most people - and that still holds true - but what KINDS of food, well, that's a whole other ball-game.

So this is my pledge -
I'm going to go back to tracking what I eat - truthfully - every day. I'm going to do it here in this blog. Be warned this may be ALL I post for the day (but I'm a chatty lil thing, so don't bet your last $100 on it) but at least that way I'm being truthful not only to MYSELF but to you as well.

Please forgive me, though, the commentary I add to what I eat, cuz yeah, sometimes it's gonna be bad.

So here we go!

Breakfast:

-- small Coke
-- bacon, egg & cheese bagel from McD's (tho I did take off the egg half-way thru - how on EARTH to they have the NERVE to call that stuff "egg"?!)

Lunch:

-- 1 piece of cheese-bread & 2 medium pieces of ham & mushroom pizza from last night's dinner (I know, I know - but I only ate 2 pieces of cheese-bread last night and 2 pieces of pizza; I was starving from yesterday >.> However, I DID have a salad with dinner! I even had pickled beets.)

Dinner:

-- Spaghetti
-- glass of milk
-- 2 slices of garlic bread

Anyone else seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the pattern here?
Time to start cutting out on bread/pasta, I think. This is ridiculous. -.-


OH OH OH!
And before I forget again!
Looking for more inspiration from real people?? But not from the over-done, under-fed exercise gurus that make you want to punch their lights out??
My friend has started a blog of her own - so take a peek at Be My Mirror by Heather Stromski!!

The Importance of Being Earnest

So, our Canadian adventure is at an end and all I can say is....thank God!

I mean, don't get me wrong - it was a lovely trip - our friends Tasha and Kev are now happily married (they are seriously so darn cute!) and we had a great time. Wish we would have been there longer, to be honest - but vacations are never long enough, are they?

I was a bad bad girl, though.
I wasn't going to 'fess up - I was just going to let it slide and start up my exercising/dieting and go from there w/out a word about this bad badness, but I kind of find some comfort in confessing my sins. I wasn't raised Catholic, but consider this my "Bless me Father, for I have sinned..." moment.

For I have sinned.
The sin? Gluttony!
And what a beautiful glutton I was!

Okay, so, it COULD have been worse, but it COULD have been a LOT better. Ironically enough, I had more veggies in the past few days than I had had for awhile.

Beginning Friday night, we rolled into Ottawa and went to Tash & Kev's wedding rehearsal dinner - at a hibachi restaurant. For those who had never gone (like us - hibitchin' virgins) it's a restaurant where you sit around these great big grill tables and a chef stands there and prepares the food for you. We had allllll kinds of food - sushi (ack); mushroom broth (like it sounds - yet kinda tasty); tempura (stuff dipped in batter and fried - BAD! RED ALERT!!); a choice of chicken, beef or shrimp (I took the beef & chicken option) and various veggies (onions, mushrooms, zucchini and later, bean sprouts).

I learned two things.
1) I LOVE hibachi! Omg - so much fun!
2) I actually kinda dug the zucchini. I know, right? Weird!

So that was the food excess on Friday night. The end of the meal featured a shot of plum wine (tasty) and a bowl of vanilla ice cream (or orange sherbet - someone has to explain this whole orange-flavored thing - I mean, every "chinese" food restaurant has orange soda then the ubiquitous orange sherbet at the end).

Saturday we pretty much had a normal breakfast (I really tried to eat the oatmeal, but yuck - even with raisins!) but then we waited until about 5:30 for dinner - practically nothing in between. The wedding dinner was steamed veg, baked chicken with some sorta sauce on it (tasty, but unidentified) and rice.

So far, so good!

Then there came a big dessert. Well, several. Then later that night? Yeah, that's when the whole "eat sensible" thing fell through - looking back I realize it wasn't that bad - cuz suddenly appeared lots and lots of tidbits of stuff! Veggies, spinach dip (omg...), cold cuts....and cupcakes!!!!!!

>.>

Someone tell me why cupcakes are so darn tasty???

Anyway, Sunday was a repeat of the grand fete of Saturday night, only in our most comfortable clothes and a continuation of the hors d'ouerves. (Ottawa is Frenchies, dontcha know?) But then....oh then...things began to REALLY fall apart.

Anyone who has had poutine (omg) will understand where I'm coming from.
Cuz I had poutine.
What is poutine, one may ask? Well, first, it's pronounced "poo-teen". Second it's the most beautiful amalgam of  potato, cheese and gravy. Just imagine it! French fries, brown gravy and cheese curds. Omg.
*swoons*

Needless to say, it was a weekend of excessive badness. Of excessive food. Of excessive yumminess.
And now I'm ready to pay with excessive pay-ee-ness.

Ah well, I'm willing to accept the consequences....that's a good thing, right?

Today was one of those days.
I think I'm PMSing and I think that I'm so ready for this vacation.

Oh, yes, tomorrow is my Friday!
On the ACTUAL Friday morning we are all heading up to Ottawa for our darling friends' wedding! Tasha and Kev, I love you two. You're fabulous together and I can't wait to participate in your celebration!

Anyway, today.

PMSing, crabby and feeling rather down on myself.

I went to the Avenue (relaxed-trendy big girl's clothes - not as "old" as Catherines, not as "young" as Lane Bryant - a nice middle-ground for those of us that aren't dead and aren't sluts) tonight to purchase pantyhose.

Pantyhose is always an adventure. Big girls usually look like sausages in pantyhose - hell, Lane Bryant doesn't even CARRY pantyhose in their stores (wtf are they thinking?!) - they carry Spanx.

A thought about Spanx - HELL IN LYCRA! This is hard-packed sausage! Smoked sausage! Non-breathing, non-moving sausage! They are NOT fun and I'm sorry, but their "plus size" options SUCK!

Anyway, back to the pantyhose -
I'm wandering around the store and there's this lady that works there that I recognize the few times I go in and she recognizes me. She says to me, "Hey! You've lost weight!!"

:-D

Oh. My. God!
Someone's noticed!
Despite having not worked out this morning (I'm planning on at least doing my crunches tonight), and feeling like a big fat blob of HORRIBLE today...

That comment made me SO.HAPPY.
Ask Mikey - I was grinning like an idiot!

This just tells me to keep going.
Keep trying.
Keep pushing.

Favorite quote of the day (why not, right?):
"Michelle Bachmann Isn't Satan - Satan Doesn't Have Split Ends!"

Oh, look...something to write about.

I have to say this one thing and then I'll keep my peace.

DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING.
About me.
About the next fatty you see or talk to.
About anyone.

So many thin people out there (even former fatties) assume that my main problem is eating. That obese folk out there just eat and eat and eat - that they're ALL compulsive eaters!

And it pisses me off.
It makes me so angry I want to shake some sense into them.
Why, you ask?

Because I'm NOT a compulsive eater.

Get it right, folks - not all assumptions you make about anything or anyone is going to be correct.
Get over yourselves.

Just the facts, folks.

I know lately I've been incognito.
A few reasons for this...well, here's the rundown.

4 weeks (approx) ago, I got 2 moles removed from my back. Biopsy results were that they are pre-cancerous. That is not sad to me because it's pretty much what I expected. Dr says that there are 3 more he's going to be "watching". Yay.

2 days after the removal of the moles, my period came. Sorry dudes that read this, but I haveta talk about it (I may have before so I apologize for that, too, in advance. I've taken the policy to not read what I've written before if I can avoid it because it depresses me). I had cramps like WOAH. I'm not sure what is/was going on - the weightloss making my body react differently? I don't know. What I do know is that my entire puberty until now I rarely had cramps. This time, I had the in SPADES. -.- Not a happy camper this made Trisha.

So I put off the exercising because of these two events.

Things finally calmed down and while I was doing alright, my back was giving me some problems. You see, I'm allergic to most medical adhesives. We did find a bandaid that did end up working - Top Care, if you're interested - for a full week. Then the night before the stitches were to be removed, Mike removed some skin along with the bandaid. OW. Suddenly had a 5 inch chemical burn across my lower back (it seems my body again said HOLD IT when I had the bandaids on for exactly a full week - Thursday to Thursday - then that night decided it couldn't take them anymore).

As the OW was there, that was fine - the next morning my stitches were removed. However, the infection continued and, well, avoiding all the gross details I'm FINALLY healed up!

This morning I once again resumed the exercising (tho this time I only made it 15 minutes instead of my standard 20 - I'm aiming to exercise again tonight).


But it's been a bad few days.


This upcoming weekend we have a wedding to attend - remember that black dress I wanted to wear? The one with the turquoise and white number? Yeah...no. I tried it on Saturday night and that was the very first time in my entire life I cried BECAUSE of my weight. BECAUSE of my body shape. As you can all imagine this was upsetting to Michael - he's such a wonderful husband and despite the fact he's married to the Great White Whale, he still loves me and thinks me beautiful.


Saturday night, though, despite the great leaps I've made in personal self-esteem, I folded.
I'm not proud of it. I am angry about it, still; I am still still STILL trying to accept myself - accept my body and all it's weird quirks.


And that's mostly the reason I've once again began this climb towards health once again.


Didn't I tell you all it was cyclical?


Welcome to the next round of the cycle. Enjoy.

This Post Brought To You By The Letter Grrr

It's been a rough week, readers.
I haven't exercised, I'm feeling all moo-y, and I have no one to blame but....

Okay, really, this time 'round the reasons are real and irritating. First, Aunt Flo decided to show up, with her she brought extra cramping (unusual for me) and on top of THAT, I have 7-8 tiny stitches in my back. The stitches aren't the problem, but the blessed band-aids ARE. Grr.

So this week I'm taking off. I have a physical on Monday morning so I'm hoping I haven't put myself back TOO horribly far.

I think that I almost HAVE to go through these circular patterns.
I basically shame myself into exercising/eating right, then I do so - do a good job of it, too! - then I am forced to take time off (either I hurt myself, or like now, I end up having some stupid medical thing), then I shame myself...well, you guys get the drift.

The only thing about THIS time 'round is that my "exercising/eating right" time lasted a good lot longer than it has before.

I also like to think that my shame-spiral time will be LESS this time.

I'm also beginning to think that I may need to have my head examined.

Ah well, at the very very very least I'm looking forward to getting my stitches out and hopefully renewing my body efforts.

Wish me luck, folks - 7am Friday morning I can get the stitches out, then back on the wagon!

Well well well, lookee here!

Today has been a good day!

Despite getting up early to work-out as per usual.
Despite not working out in the afternoons like I told myself I was going to do this week.
Despite having my doc dig into my back to remove two possibly cancerous moles.

So why has this been a great, awesome, kick-ass day?!

I'M NOW DOWN 12LBS FROM WHEN I STARTED THIS THING!

That is right, folks! Something I'm doing is FINALLY working! Two weeks ago when I went to the docs office, I was 348.something (I never pay attention to this so I'mma stop lyin' 'bout that right now), BUT TODAY?

344.2!!

I'm not ashamed to say that I haven't been this "light" in almost 5 years.

Sure I'm still the size of a 6-month old elephant, but now I know what I'm doing is kinda starting to work!

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to try to split my work-outs into two segments.
The reason for this? My ASS falls asleep after 20 minutes on the bike. SO, provided we keep the stationary bike, I'll do 20 minutes in the morning, then 20 minutes again at night.

I know some of you may be doubtful of the whole 20-minutes-a-day thing - but NEENER (see above). *coughs* I digress. Anyway, that's the plan. 40 minutes a day = reaching my goal faster.

At least now I have less than 90lbs left to lose!

The Glad Game

I've been sitting here for the past few days staring at the blank screen wondering what I'm going to fill the theoretical "page" with. This has done a few things. First, it proves what I've thought all along - that my Muse is a cheeky little bitch who comes and goes as she pleases. Second, that I'm not proud of what I've been doing lately. And third that if I can't be inspiring to myself, how can I inspire others.

Three thoughts that were formed into a whole the other day when my dad said to me, "I think that you writing your blog is a kind of therapy for you."

My parents and brother have been enjoying my blog, along with a few other friends, so that prompts me to want to continue writing. I think I agree that is therapy - sure what I have to say may not have a lot of value or may bore my readers (the few I have) but at least it's not in my head anymore.

I just don't really have much to say right now, I don't think - keep reading, maybe that will be fixed.

I do have some good news on the weight-loss front, surprisingly - despite the fact that it's a week before my period, my dieting efforts seem to have finally taken SOME effect - I'm now at 348.6lbs. As most of you have read, I started out around 356lbs, so since I began this journey I've lost about 8lbs. Not a really stellar performance, I realize, but definitely a very small, minimal, tiny, microscopic improvement.

I tried on the dress I'm going to be wearing to my friend's wedding and I think I'm now back to my 2009 weight because it fits again, but just about as well as it did before, which wasn't great. Ah well, I still have about 3 weeks before the trip.

Next weekend Mike (my darling spouse) and I will be going to Sears to possibly pick out a new piece of gym equipment. As I've said before, we've got a stationary bike right now which is great, but the only problem is that it ate those gigantic batteries like they were candy, but even with the batteries, the electronics were starting to get a little screwed up. Now you can't do any kind of training programs on it and you can't adjust tension (there is still a little tension regardless of being battery-less, so it's still a bit of a workout).

We're looking at possibly getting an elliptical or a recumbent bike - that's the other issue with the stationary - our backs don't like us; they're protesting. We both work through the protests, but our asses are also falling asleep. Rather, MY ass is falling asleep. Along with other important bits of my anatomy. >.> Not really conducive to the exercise effort.

Anyway, the Glad Game (see, I TOLD you guys I'd find something to yammer on about).
If you've ever seen the Disney movie "Pollyanna" you'll know what the Glad Game is - you look for something good in every situation, regardless of the craptastictude the situation. For those that haven't seen the movie, well, that is the drift of my thoughts - that I need to find something GOOD about all this sweat equity.

I guess the biggest thing I'm Glad about is that as much as I hate working out, as much as I HATE sweating and as much as I LOATHEEEEEE working out at the ass-crack of dawn...well, I have to admit that it makes my day better. At least for an hour or two I feel -good- about myself. I guess Elle was right - "Endorphins make you happy...." and as you all know, Mike should be a happy man because, "Happy people just don't kill their husbands!"

So I'm going to continue to try to find things to be Glad about throughout this whole process. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can keep finding the Glad...cuz right now? It's definitely a struggle.

Been a few days, I know...

Well, a week or longer. It's been a long week.

At work I'm now the 2nd trainer - so I assist the 1st trainer and this week she's on vacation. Makes for a long, kind of hectic day. Tomorrow is going to be particularly rough because I do have regular work to do opposite the training I have to do.

Anyway, enough about work.

Last week I weighed myself on Sunday morning, as is my wont, and once again I hadn't lost weight - I was at 350.6. I thought, "well, I'm sunk..." I was depressed, irritated with myself, etc.

Then on Weds I was weighed for a Drs appointment - 347.6. Odd, right?

Then I weight myself on Saturday (because I wasn't sure if we'd have guests this past Sunday) and sure enough, my scale said 350.4.

It finally dawned on me - maybe I'm NOT to blame for this whole weight thing? Afterall, who gains and loses nearly 3 lbs every other day? NO ONE.

Sounds like I'm going to need a new scale. And maybe this thing is actually working?

The doctor's visit also told me something else - once again they've confirmed that I have the right amounts of hormones, my blood pressure is normal, my sugars are normal and my thyroid is fine. Apparently I'm just a big damn girl!

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Next in my physical redefinition? Moles being removed. Back a few years ago I had 4 removed that showed some precancerous signs, so Dr. is just making extra-sure, I guess. Those get removed on the 28th.

Fast forward to today, after all the past is in the past, right?
I'm still feeling kind of depressed and down. It could just be that time of the month (again?!) but there ya go.

That's the update on me now, folks. Gimme a couple more days...maybe I'll feel entertaining again.