Today has been a good day!
Despite getting up early to work-out as per usual.
Despite not working out in the afternoons like I told myself I was going to do this week.
Despite having my doc dig into my back to remove two possibly cancerous moles.
So why has this been a great, awesome, kick-ass day?!
I'M NOW DOWN 12LBS FROM WHEN I STARTED THIS THING!
That is right, folks! Something I'm doing is FINALLY working! Two weeks ago when I went to the docs office, I was 348.something (I never pay attention to this so I'mma stop lyin' 'bout that right now), BUT TODAY?
344.2!!
I'm not ashamed to say that I haven't been this "light" in almost 5 years.
Sure I'm still the size of a 6-month old elephant, but now I know what I'm doing is kinda starting to work!
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to try to split my work-outs into two segments.
The reason for this? My ASS falls asleep after 20 minutes on the bike. SO, provided we keep the stationary bike, I'll do 20 minutes in the morning, then 20 minutes again at night.
I know some of you may be doubtful of the whole 20-minutes-a-day thing - but NEENER (see above). *coughs* I digress. Anyway, that's the plan. 40 minutes a day = reaching my goal faster.
At least now I have less than 90lbs left to lose!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Glad Game
I've been sitting here for the past few days staring at the blank screen wondering what I'm going to fill the theoretical "page" with. This has done a few things. First, it proves what I've thought all along - that my Muse is a cheeky little bitch who comes and goes as she pleases. Second, that I'm not proud of what I've been doing lately. And third that if I can't be inspiring to myself, how can I inspire others.
Three thoughts that were formed into a whole the other day when my dad said to me, "I think that you writing your blog is a kind of therapy for you."
My parents and brother have been enjoying my blog, along with a few other friends, so that prompts me to want to continue writing. I think I agree that is therapy - sure what I have to say may not have a lot of value or may bore my readers (the few I have) but at least it's not in my head anymore.
I just don't really have much to say right now, I don't think - keep reading, maybe that will be fixed.
I do have some good news on the weight-loss front, surprisingly - despite the fact that it's a week before my period, my dieting efforts seem to have finally taken SOME effect - I'm now at 348.6lbs. As most of you have read, I started out around 356lbs, so since I began this journey I've lost about 8lbs. Not a really stellar performance, I realize, but definitely a very small, minimal, tiny, microscopic improvement.
I tried on the dress I'm going to be wearing to my friend's wedding and I think I'm now back to my 2009 weight because it fits again, but just about as well as it did before, which wasn't great. Ah well, I still have about 3 weeks before the trip.
Next weekend Mike (my darling spouse) and I will be going to Sears to possibly pick out a new piece of gym equipment. As I've said before, we've got a stationary bike right now which is great, but the only problem is that it ate those gigantic batteries like they were candy, but even with the batteries, the electronics were starting to get a little screwed up. Now you can't do any kind of training programs on it and you can't adjust tension (there is still a little tension regardless of being battery-less, so it's still a bit of a workout).
We're looking at possibly getting an elliptical or a recumbent bike - that's the other issue with the stationary - our backs don't like us; they're protesting. We both work through the protests, but our asses are also falling asleep. Rather, MY ass is falling asleep. Along with other important bits of my anatomy. >.> Not really conducive to the exercise effort.
Anyway, the Glad Game (see, I TOLD you guys I'd find something to yammer on about).
If you've ever seen the Disney movie "Pollyanna" you'll know what the Glad Game is - you look for something good in every situation, regardless of the craptastictude the situation. For those that haven't seen the movie, well, that is the drift of my thoughts - that I need to find something GOOD about all this sweat equity.
I guess the biggest thing I'm Glad about is that as much as I hate working out, as much as I HATE sweating and as much as I LOATHEEEEEE working out at the ass-crack of dawn...well, I have to admit that it makes my day better. At least for an hour or two I feel -good- about myself. I guess Elle was right - "Endorphins make you happy...." and as you all know, Mike should be a happy man because, "Happy people just don't kill their husbands!"
So I'm going to continue to try to find things to be Glad about throughout this whole process. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can keep finding the Glad...cuz right now? It's definitely a struggle.
Three thoughts that were formed into a whole the other day when my dad said to me, "I think that you writing your blog is a kind of therapy for you."
My parents and brother have been enjoying my blog, along with a few other friends, so that prompts me to want to continue writing. I think I agree that is therapy - sure what I have to say may not have a lot of value or may bore my readers (the few I have) but at least it's not in my head anymore.
I just don't really have much to say right now, I don't think - keep reading, maybe that will be fixed.
I do have some good news on the weight-loss front, surprisingly - despite the fact that it's a week before my period, my dieting efforts seem to have finally taken SOME effect - I'm now at 348.6lbs. As most of you have read, I started out around 356lbs, so since I began this journey I've lost about 8lbs. Not a really stellar performance, I realize, but definitely a very small, minimal, tiny, microscopic improvement.
I tried on the dress I'm going to be wearing to my friend's wedding and I think I'm now back to my 2009 weight because it fits again, but just about as well as it did before, which wasn't great. Ah well, I still have about 3 weeks before the trip.
Next weekend Mike (my darling spouse) and I will be going to Sears to possibly pick out a new piece of gym equipment. As I've said before, we've got a stationary bike right now which is great, but the only problem is that it ate those gigantic batteries like they were candy, but even with the batteries, the electronics were starting to get a little screwed up. Now you can't do any kind of training programs on it and you can't adjust tension (there is still a little tension regardless of being battery-less, so it's still a bit of a workout).
We're looking at possibly getting an elliptical or a recumbent bike - that's the other issue with the stationary - our backs don't like us; they're protesting. We both work through the protests, but our asses are also falling asleep. Rather, MY ass is falling asleep. Along with other important bits of my anatomy. >.> Not really conducive to the exercise effort.
Anyway, the Glad Game (see, I TOLD you guys I'd find something to yammer on about).
If you've ever seen the Disney movie "Pollyanna" you'll know what the Glad Game is - you look for something good in every situation, regardless of the craptastictude the situation. For those that haven't seen the movie, well, that is the drift of my thoughts - that I need to find something GOOD about all this sweat equity.
I guess the biggest thing I'm Glad about is that as much as I hate working out, as much as I HATE sweating and as much as I LOATHEEEEEE working out at the ass-crack of dawn...well, I have to admit that it makes my day better. At least for an hour or two I feel -good- about myself. I guess Elle was right - "Endorphins make you happy...." and as you all know, Mike should be a happy man because, "Happy people just don't kill their husbands!"
So I'm going to continue to try to find things to be Glad about throughout this whole process. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can keep finding the Glad...cuz right now? It's definitely a struggle.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Been a few days, I know...
Well, a week or longer. It's been a long week.
At work I'm now the 2nd trainer - so I assist the 1st trainer and this week she's on vacation. Makes for a long, kind of hectic day. Tomorrow is going to be particularly rough because I do have regular work to do opposite the training I have to do.
Anyway, enough about work.
Last week I weighed myself on Sunday morning, as is my wont, and once again I hadn't lost weight - I was at 350.6. I thought, "well, I'm sunk..." I was depressed, irritated with myself, etc.
Then on Weds I was weighed for a Drs appointment - 347.6. Odd, right?
Then I weight myself on Saturday (because I wasn't sure if we'd have guests this past Sunday) and sure enough, my scale said 350.4.
It finally dawned on me - maybe I'm NOT to blame for this whole weight thing? Afterall, who gains and loses nearly 3 lbs every other day? NO ONE.
Sounds like I'm going to need a new scale. And maybe this thing is actually working?
The doctor's visit also told me something else - once again they've confirmed that I have the right amounts of hormones, my blood pressure is normal, my sugars are normal and my thyroid is fine. Apparently I'm just a big damn girl!
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Next in my physical redefinition? Moles being removed. Back a few years ago I had 4 removed that showed some precancerous signs, so Dr. is just making extra-sure, I guess. Those get removed on the 28th.
Fast forward to today, after all the past is in the past, right?
I'm still feeling kind of depressed and down. It could just be that time of the month (again?!) but there ya go.
That's the update on me now, folks. Gimme a couple more days...maybe I'll feel entertaining again.
At work I'm now the 2nd trainer - so I assist the 1st trainer and this week she's on vacation. Makes for a long, kind of hectic day. Tomorrow is going to be particularly rough because I do have regular work to do opposite the training I have to do.
Anyway, enough about work.
Last week I weighed myself on Sunday morning, as is my wont, and once again I hadn't lost weight - I was at 350.6. I thought, "well, I'm sunk..." I was depressed, irritated with myself, etc.
Then on Weds I was weighed for a Drs appointment - 347.6. Odd, right?
Then I weight myself on Saturday (because I wasn't sure if we'd have guests this past Sunday) and sure enough, my scale said 350.4.
It finally dawned on me - maybe I'm NOT to blame for this whole weight thing? Afterall, who gains and loses nearly 3 lbs every other day? NO ONE.
Sounds like I'm going to need a new scale. And maybe this thing is actually working?
The doctor's visit also told me something else - once again they've confirmed that I have the right amounts of hormones, my blood pressure is normal, my sugars are normal and my thyroid is fine. Apparently I'm just a big damn girl!
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Next in my physical redefinition? Moles being removed. Back a few years ago I had 4 removed that showed some precancerous signs, so Dr. is just making extra-sure, I guess. Those get removed on the 28th.
Fast forward to today, after all the past is in the past, right?
I'm still feeling kind of depressed and down. It could just be that time of the month (again?!) but there ya go.
That's the update on me now, folks. Gimme a couple more days...maybe I'll feel entertaining again.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I don't think I've wanted to quit so much...
I'm trying to find the reasons behind it.
Behind wanting to quit and wanting to continue.
I want to quit because I'm lazy, because I don't feel I'm making any (or much) progress, and because I'm tired. I hate getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to torture myself, even if the torture is still only 20+ minutes a day.
Dammit.
But I need to continue.
I need to do this for my as-yet-unknown children. I need to do this so that when I hit 50 I don't get diabetes. I need to do this so that when those children finally finally finally come to be, I won't scare the crap out of them with my health.
Dammit.
My brother and my father have joined me faithfully in this journey. For some reason, fate decreed that all three of us have the same bodies - we're all tall (Dad at one time was 6' 4", I'm 6', and my brother - kinda ironically - is 5' 11.75"), Scandinavian in vague terms (blond) and we all can gain weight by LOOKING at a piece of pie. -.-
My Mom has had her weight struggles, though, too - I sometimes wish I looked like her, though. Maybe more like a girl? I dunno.
However, the difference between the men in my family and me? I'm a chick. Ugh. Ladies out there, you'll sympathize when I say that men don't know how hard they have it. Well, maybe Dad knows - he's fighting against years of himself.
I'm very proud of them, though. I know they're struggling as well.
Last year my brother and his loverly spouse had their first child - Caleb. Dad finally got the message that he needs to be around for Caleb - so that Caleb can know what a wonderful, loving person he is.
My brother realized that keeping up with a toddler is a PITA and he needs to lose the weight to keep his energy up.
I'm still struggling to find a good reason.
"But Trisha, you listed several very very good reasons only a few paragraphs back! What the hell are you talking about, "good reason??" "
I know. I'm an idiot.
*sighs*
I'll keep doing this. I will.
I just wish I could see the difference in the mirror.
Behind wanting to quit and wanting to continue.
I want to quit because I'm lazy, because I don't feel I'm making any (or much) progress, and because I'm tired. I hate getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to torture myself, even if the torture is still only 20+ minutes a day.
Dammit.
But I need to continue.
I need to do this for my as-yet-unknown children. I need to do this so that when I hit 50 I don't get diabetes. I need to do this so that when those children finally finally finally come to be, I won't scare the crap out of them with my health.
Dammit.
My brother and my father have joined me faithfully in this journey. For some reason, fate decreed that all three of us have the same bodies - we're all tall (Dad at one time was 6' 4", I'm 6', and my brother - kinda ironically - is 5' 11.75"), Scandinavian in vague terms (blond) and we all can gain weight by LOOKING at a piece of pie. -.-
My Mom has had her weight struggles, though, too - I sometimes wish I looked like her, though. Maybe more like a girl? I dunno.
However, the difference between the men in my family and me? I'm a chick. Ugh. Ladies out there, you'll sympathize when I say that men don't know how hard they have it. Well, maybe Dad knows - he's fighting against years of himself.
I'm very proud of them, though. I know they're struggling as well.
Last year my brother and his loverly spouse had their first child - Caleb. Dad finally got the message that he needs to be around for Caleb - so that Caleb can know what a wonderful, loving person he is.
My brother realized that keeping up with a toddler is a PITA and he needs to lose the weight to keep his energy up.
I'm still struggling to find a good reason.
"But Trisha, you listed several very very good reasons only a few paragraphs back! What the hell are you talking about, "good reason??" "
I know. I'm an idiot.
*sighs*
I'll keep doing this. I will.
I just wish I could see the difference in the mirror.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
There Is An Unfortunate Method To My Madness
Oh, self-discovery, you are not fun and you frankly make me want to punch something in the neck (myself).
That 3 lbs from last week is really weighing on my mind (pun not intended), but at the same time I'm self-sabotaging myself with my old nemesis - my food. On one hand I WANT to eat healthier - do all that happy horse shit that people say to do - eat less, eat more often - healthier snacks, of course - eat naturally, eat smarter, better, do this do that omgdiewitha"t". But dammit, I want cheeseburgers. I want ice cream sundaes, I want cupcakes (you guys have NO idea), I want pancakes, donuts, chocolate!
What am I doing to myself here? I have no idea. The more I try to stop eating bad things, the more I WANT those bad things. A couple of my friends have said, "Hey, don't worry so much about it - if you crave something, there's a REASON, so feed your craving, just don't go crazy!" Uh, no. Cupcakes are gateway drugs for me. Sundaes are a food-addicts dream.
*intones* Hi, my name is Trisha, and I am a food-addict.
But I really don't think that I am! At least, not in the traditional sense. I don't eat all the time. Nor do I want to. I don't think about food all the time, either (well - okay, it is a thought process throughout the day trying to get my husband and my roommate to figure out what the hell to make for dinner).
And that's another thing - I feel like I'm in a pool full of pudding with this healthy eating thing - I'm trying to introduce healthier meals and snacks into the house, but their answer is "Let's get chicken nuggets and tater-tots!!" So a smart-asses answer would be, "Well, eat what YOU want, buy what YOU need, make your OWN meals - don't worry about them!" Have you smart-asses EVER lived in a house with other people? Do you love your families?
Let me explain this thought process to you - my family always ate as a family. Together. Until we got older, at a table. No TV. Sure, we didn't always like the food (Mom, you made fish a four-letter word - but I still love you!), but there was no begging for other food, either. You got what you got and you ate it - you didn't get anything else! You also got 3 foods on your plate - a meat, a veg, and a side. This taught me to a) eat what was given me and LIKE it, b) meal times are important and c) balanced meals are important.
Now, this is a meal at my house right now - two or less foods on the plate, we eat in front of the TV and it's usually inhaled in less than 15 minutes.
While I'd like to change this dynamic, let's return to the pool of pudding analogy, hmm k?
And those of you that say buy my own meals? Are you KIDDING ME?? Yeah, we don't have that much of an income, okay (well, we DO, but that's just obnoxious, imo).
So here I am, fighting myself and the people that I live with - maybe it's time to start a real food fight?
Stuff I Like -
Crystal Light Fruit Punch
Ice Water w/Lemon
100 Calorie Snack Packs (hello, chocolate!)
Frozen Fruit (strawberries n' peaches)
That 3 lbs from last week is really weighing on my mind (pun not intended), but at the same time I'm self-sabotaging myself with my old nemesis - my food. On one hand I WANT to eat healthier - do all that happy horse shit that people say to do - eat less, eat more often - healthier snacks, of course - eat naturally, eat smarter, better, do this do that omgdiewitha"t". But dammit, I want cheeseburgers. I want ice cream sundaes, I want cupcakes (you guys have NO idea), I want pancakes, donuts, chocolate!
What am I doing to myself here? I have no idea. The more I try to stop eating bad things, the more I WANT those bad things. A couple of my friends have said, "Hey, don't worry so much about it - if you crave something, there's a REASON, so feed your craving, just don't go crazy!" Uh, no. Cupcakes are gateway drugs for me. Sundaes are a food-addicts dream.
*intones* Hi, my name is Trisha, and I am a food-addict.
But I really don't think that I am! At least, not in the traditional sense. I don't eat all the time. Nor do I want to. I don't think about food all the time, either (well - okay, it is a thought process throughout the day trying to get my husband and my roommate to figure out what the hell to make for dinner).
And that's another thing - I feel like I'm in a pool full of pudding with this healthy eating thing - I'm trying to introduce healthier meals and snacks into the house, but their answer is "Let's get chicken nuggets and tater-tots!!" So a smart-asses answer would be, "Well, eat what YOU want, buy what YOU need, make your OWN meals - don't worry about them!" Have you smart-asses EVER lived in a house with other people? Do you love your families?
Let me explain this thought process to you - my family always ate as a family. Together. Until we got older, at a table. No TV. Sure, we didn't always like the food (Mom, you made fish a four-letter word - but I still love you!), but there was no begging for other food, either. You got what you got and you ate it - you didn't get anything else! You also got 3 foods on your plate - a meat, a veg, and a side. This taught me to a) eat what was given me and LIKE it, b) meal times are important and c) balanced meals are important.
Now, this is a meal at my house right now - two or less foods on the plate, we eat in front of the TV and it's usually inhaled in less than 15 minutes.
While I'd like to change this dynamic, let's return to the pool of pudding analogy, hmm k?
And those of you that say buy my own meals? Are you KIDDING ME?? Yeah, we don't have that much of an income, okay (well, we DO, but that's just obnoxious, imo).
So here I am, fighting myself and the people that I live with - maybe it's time to start a real food fight?
Stuff I Like -
Crystal Light Fruit Punch
Ice Water w/Lemon
100 Calorie Snack Packs (hello, chocolate!)
Frozen Fruit (strawberries n' peaches)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Momma said there'd be days like this...
This morning's weigh-in showed a 3lb inflation (to 353lbs).
I say inflation because that's how I am feeling right now - bloated. Everyone's Aunt that we love to hate (Flo) is due on Thursday, which tells me that I shouldn't be too upset by this uptick in my weight. However, it's making me very depressed, angry and irritated.
It's also telling me that it's time to cut down by half all the food I've been eating. This week is an especially hard one for me each month - I feel like eating a cow every single time. This month I ignored my "diet" and just ate whatever I felt like. Turns out that's not a good thing (duh, I know, spare me). It's just the life-cycle of a Trisha-period, that's all. It does suck, though.
Today, I've decided I need to get tougher on me. No more sodas, only water or Crystal Light. I kinda hate that. Seriously. They bring back Mountain Dew Pitch Black and I haveta stay away? Water is bland! Crystal Light is full of fake stuff and it's bad for you!!
With all of this in mind and with all that I've written in mind, too, I'm going to start adding something to my weekly weigh-ins - recording my measurements! Believe me, it puts things into perspective when you measure your calf and it's almost 2 feet around! So here are the numbers:
Waist: 54 inches
Bust: 53 inches
Calves: 21.5 inches
Thighs: 30.25 inches
Upper Arms: 18.75 inches
So there we go - it's all out in open. Next time there'll be pics, I promise. But understandably I'm not really that thrilled with myself. Though I DID tell Mike (and I believe) that the last time I measured myself (before I ever started this tortuous journey) I think my waist WAS at least 2-4 inches bigger. So maybe I am making my body do something? I dunno.
Also a couple of other things...
1) I'm going to start listing "Trisha's Favorite Things" when it comes to dieting - products and services, stores and so forth that I really like while I'm trying to get this done.
2) If there's anything you guys want to ask please let me know! There is only so much I can talk to myself about myself.
Anyway, my momma said there'd be days like this and oh, boy, she's very right. Now if I could get some BETTER days to come along, that'd be awesome.
I say inflation because that's how I am feeling right now - bloated. Everyone's Aunt that we love to hate (Flo) is due on Thursday, which tells me that I shouldn't be too upset by this uptick in my weight. However, it's making me very depressed, angry and irritated.
It's also telling me that it's time to cut down by half all the food I've been eating. This week is an especially hard one for me each month - I feel like eating a cow every single time. This month I ignored my "diet" and just ate whatever I felt like. Turns out that's not a good thing (duh, I know, spare me). It's just the life-cycle of a Trisha-period, that's all. It does suck, though.
Today, I've decided I need to get tougher on me. No more sodas, only water or Crystal Light. I kinda hate that. Seriously. They bring back Mountain Dew Pitch Black and I haveta stay away? Water is bland! Crystal Light is full of fake stuff and it's bad for you!!
With all of this in mind and with all that I've written in mind, too, I'm going to start adding something to my weekly weigh-ins - recording my measurements! Believe me, it puts things into perspective when you measure your calf and it's almost 2 feet around! So here are the numbers:
Waist: 54 inches
Bust: 53 inches
Calves: 21.5 inches
Thighs: 30.25 inches
Upper Arms: 18.75 inches
So there we go - it's all out in open. Next time there'll be pics, I promise. But understandably I'm not really that thrilled with myself. Though I DID tell Mike (and I believe) that the last time I measured myself (before I ever started this tortuous journey) I think my waist WAS at least 2-4 inches bigger. So maybe I am making my body do something? I dunno.
Also a couple of other things...
1) I'm going to start listing "Trisha's Favorite Things" when it comes to dieting - products and services, stores and so forth that I really like while I'm trying to get this done.
2) If there's anything you guys want to ask please let me know! There is only so much I can talk to myself about myself.
Anyway, my momma said there'd be days like this and oh, boy, she's very right. Now if I could get some BETTER days to come along, that'd be awesome.
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