I'm trying to find the reasons behind it.
Behind wanting to quit and wanting to continue.
I want to quit because I'm lazy, because I don't feel I'm making any (or much) progress, and because I'm tired. I hate getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to torture myself, even if the torture is still only 20+ minutes a day.
Dammit.
But I need to continue.
I need to do this for my as-yet-unknown children. I need to do this so that when I hit 50 I don't get diabetes. I need to do this so that when those children finally finally finally come to be, I won't scare the crap out of them with my health.
Dammit.
My brother and my father have joined me faithfully in this journey. For some reason, fate decreed that all three of us have the same bodies - we're all tall (Dad at one time was 6' 4", I'm 6', and my brother - kinda ironically - is 5' 11.75"), Scandinavian in vague terms (blond) and we all can gain weight by LOOKING at a piece of pie. -.-
My Mom has had her weight struggles, though, too - I sometimes wish I looked like her, though. Maybe more like a girl? I dunno.
However, the difference between the men in my family and me? I'm a chick. Ugh. Ladies out there, you'll sympathize when I say that men don't know how hard they have it. Well, maybe Dad knows - he's fighting against years of himself.
I'm very proud of them, though. I know they're struggling as well.
Last year my brother and his loverly spouse had their first child - Caleb. Dad finally got the message that he needs to be around for Caleb - so that Caleb can know what a wonderful, loving person he is.
My brother realized that keeping up with a toddler is a PITA and he needs to lose the weight to keep his energy up.
I'm still struggling to find a good reason.
"But Trisha, you listed several very very good reasons only a few paragraphs back! What the hell are you talking about, "good reason??" "
I know. I'm an idiot.
*sighs*
I'll keep doing this. I will.
I just wish I could see the difference in the mirror.
You know what's helping me kiddo? It's the simple fact that I have come to terms with the idea that I am not a farm animal and therefore do not need to feed like I'm one.
ReplyDeleteI don't eat the wrong food and I Wii 3x a week. Just because something is simple, doesn't mean it's easy. I've lost about 35 lbs so far.
Stop thinking about the outcome.
Instead, concentrate on the right now.
right this moment.
When you get the urge to eat - stop.
examine that urge.
examine the intelligence of you, instead of the belly of you.
let me know how you're doing.
We love you
Aunt Gova