18 Wheeler

Can't keep me down, down
Can't keep me down
No you can't keep me down
I said you can't keep me down

Hey, hey, man! What's your problem?
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad
Don't know what you're up against
Maybe you should reconsider
Come up with another plan
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl
That'll lay there and let you come first 

(Chorus)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, girl! Are you ready for today?
You got your shield and sword?
Cuz it's time to play the games
You are beautiful
Even though your not for sure
Don't let him pull you by the skirt
You're gonna get your feelings hurt

(Chorus x 2)

Everywhere that I go
There's someone waitin' to chain me
Everything that I say
There's someone tryin' to short change me
I am only this way
Because of what you have made me
And I'm not gonna break!

(Chorus x2)

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give up
You can treat me like a slave
I'll go underground (I'll go underground, ground, ground ground..)
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down (Can't keep me down!!!)

If you can't tell, I take a lot of strength, encouragement and power from Pink; she is, I think, one of the greatest women to come out of my generation. I'm finding a lot of strength right now particularly from this song - as a mantra to keep myself going even when I feel like a total failure.

These past few days?
Definitely failure-days.
Right now I'm feeling like an 18 wheeler....

Part of the reason I started this journey is because Mike and I were planning on trying IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) this month. I wanted to be healthier, be more aware of my body, have more awareness of self, before I got pregnant.

Unfortunately, if you follow me on FaceBook, you  know by now that we are not going to be trying IVF.

Of course, I'm terribly disappointed. I'm angry with God. I'm angry with life.
Or...I was.

After some discussion, Mike and I have decided to try for adoption.
After some discussion, we feel...I feel...like this is the best thing to do for us - and really, in our hearts, this feels like the RIGHT decision.
I feel like this is the right decision.

My father is adopted - his adoptive mother (I never met his adoptive father) was an absolutely wonderful woman. I admire and respect her a great deal and I only hope that I can be as good a mother to my children as she was to him and his sister (also adopted).

Now, though, I need a new goal for my weightloss.
Sure, it's all well and good be healthy (BORING!) and so forth, but I like goals. I like having a "reason".
So here is my new "goal" - to be sexy in a swimsuit!

And guess what? We've decided to buy an elliptical - kill me now. ;)