Baby, You're a Firework!

You may have noticed that I use a lot of music in my posts. I think music is one of the most moving things that humans have ever come up with - no other animals (and make no mistake - humans ARE animals in all possible ways) consciously make music! Sure, birds sing, but they don't really listen to each other and meld the notes together to make a beautiful whole. I think that if I ever went deaf, I'd cry forever - I love it.

So I use music to inspire me; I use it to move me; I use it to comfort me and it adds salve to my emotional wounds. It also lifts me up - I have been known to tear up! Yes, I'm a dork, but bare with me, please.

The song I'm thinking of today is "Firework" by Katy Perry. Let's be honest here, she's a bunch of teen fluff (who isn't really a teen anymore, but hey, if you know it - sell it, I guess) but this song is very inspiring. Here are the lyrics:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

Well, it goes on from there for a bit. But the important parts? The parts I bolded above!


Now, I didn't start out this thing to be an inspiration to anyone else but myself. I have to tell you I'm a bit naturally selfish. But I can see this whole movement - this whole "100by35" thing inspiring others. I find myself WANTING to be the light...to let myself shine...as I go through this process. At the same time, hello, how egotistical is that?

That's just the thing, though...if I DON'T have some sort of ego throughout this thing, it won't work. I have to find respect in myself, I have to find that sense of ME...I need to have some pride in what I'm doing.

Last Thursday, I'd gained 2 lbs from the Saturday before. Then on Sunday I weighed myself and I'd LOST those 2lbs (for everyone following along, that means I'm at 350). I thought, "How effed up IS this?!" I mean, I'm 350 lbs, people. Holy carp!! However...my arms are getting more muscular, I don't feel as "fat" (even at this particular time of the month >.>)  and I'm feeling very good about myself physically. For the most part. Some times. Anyway...

So, I've also decided that despite the fact that I'm probably like a ton of other people out there (and thus my semi-joking-goal to be an inspiration to other fatties), I AM Original. Hell, no one else even has my name! On the PLANET! Okay, that's a tiny weirdism (?), but darn it, that's how I feel.

Anyway, folks, I just want to leave you with this - as original as I am - YOU ARE, TOO. And I've found my time - this IS my time. So if you're gaining any inspiration from the little bit (comparatively) of rambling I'm doing about my weight and finding some light in it then even if I never lose this 100 lbs (96 now!) at least I've done something and helped you find YOUR light. :) I kinda like that idea.